Three years ago my life took a left turn down an unfamiliar path, sometimes stony, cold and lonely and others times bathed in sunlight, full of love and warmth.  This path has felt worn but at the same time narrow and one lane.  It has not so much been about the destination but about having to persevere and relax into the journey.

Lesson One – Learning to relax into the journey

Always being goal orientated doesn’t allow for time to experience the journey, to learn lesson that may not be immediately obvious.  Some lessons are learnt in the moments of life.  On top of a hill in the Kimberly’s, I started to think about the importance of community.  In quiet moments listening to morning prayer call in the early dawn in Saudi I reflected on the basis of my morality.  Sitting quietly exchanging glances with penguins on the sea ice, I reflected on the beauty of nature and the role of humans in the world.

I have had moments of true joy seeing my first nephew all newborn all wrinkly and red, sharing a first kiss with my new husband, stepping off the plane in Antarctica, sipping Moet in the business class lounge in Dubai.  Moments of intense sadness when I have woken up hung-over and homesick, watched people die or felt sad for some-one who can’t change the pattern of their life.  Moments of beauty, calmness, anger and anxiety they are all a part of life, all should be experienced.

I have made a conscious choice to try to capture the side paths that have opened up.  To live these moments and learn the lessons that the Universe provides.  It is a constant struggle to relax into the moment, the journey.  Even after two years of conscious effort I still need a daily reminder that it is OK to enjoy the experience and take the side paths rather then focusing so heavily on the goal.

Lesson Two – Learning not to be so hard on myself

Lesson two is tied inextricably to lesson one, when the focus of a journey is the end goal then it is easy to feel like you are failing, especially if the goal posts need moving for some reason.  The subconscious is a powerful thing and one of the side paths that I have explored revealed the importance of being aware of your subconscious expectations of people and experiences.  Alain de Botton  the Swiss philosopher and author writes that “When our minds are involved in transference, we lose the ability to give people and things the benefit of the doubt; we swiftly and anxiously move towards the worst conclusions that the past once mandated”.  I am not aware of an experience that first planted the subconscious root of my desire to achieve perfection in certain areas of my life.  I do know that it is there and when I fail to achieve my own often ill defined goals I feel the disappointment in myself even as everyone around me is full of congratulations.  Part of learning to relax into the journey and not be so hard on myself has been to develop strategy for celebrating milestones, little successes and actually learning to define success more clearly so that it is not so nebulous and therefore always just out of reach.

Lesson Three – Learning to share myself genuinely

In the sandy Middle East, the Australian Kimberly’s and the frozen south I met groups of people who have a variety of life experiences, dreams and desires.  Watching the way that they shared these dreams, desires and experiences with each other gave me insight into how to share ‘me’ in a genuine way.  I have learnt that you can be the most amazing person but without humility it doesn’t matter, it is not necessarily what you share it is how you share.  Zoe Routh recently wrote in her newsletter about her experiences with learning to share in a way that is beneficial, because with no filter people experienced her as a hurricane, an emotional whirlwind.  I am learning to share confidently and quietly, to connect in a meaningful way with my communities and to be open to hearing the validity of every-one’s stories.  Finding a voice and a space is difficult, learning to share genuinely is an important part of being a member of your community.

Lesson four (out of 50 million) – The importance of community

Community is a concept that I have been fascinated with for a while, what are they, why do some work and others fail, virtual communities, local communities, work communities they are everywhere.  Like little social experiments constantly evolving.  I love them and I have loved being part of so many communities over the last couple of years.  A functional community is essential, it gathers around and supports people when they stumble, I have seen this clearly in my four landscapes over the last couple of years.  Communities are created, sometimes by accident and sometimes by engineering, but for me the most exciting part is that every-one can play a important part in a successful community.  Every-one has a role, a voice and a lesson to contribute.