Over the last few weeks I have becoming increasingly aware that I am in a bad relationship.  I failed to set boundaries, I became dependant and I lost my sense of self.  Finally at 39 I find myself miserable, anxious and wondering how I let myself get into this state.  Unfortunately it has been a life time obsession, a relationship that started the moment I emerged into the world. This relationship can’t just be broken off, incorporates large amounts of unsolicited advice and third parties.  This partnership is psychologically embedded in our being and sociologically reinforced at all stages of our development.

This relationship is with food, and for me it has been a lifelong obsession.  I love food, I eat when I am happy, sad, angry, depressed or stressed, eating is both a celebration and a stress relief.  My family, my culture, my community embraces food.  To feed each other is to demonstrate our love and affection and a treat makes everything better.  A glass of wine after a shitty day, a little chocolate or a wedge of beautiful gooey washed rind cheese because I deserve it.  Food soothes the soul and provides comfort and security.   Nothing says life is OK better then a bowl of homemade pasta, with a beautiful simple sauce of home grown tomato’s, capers, anchovies and a big glass of wine.

Unfortunately after 10 months in Antarctica, I now look like I have been preparing for a long cold winter.  The long cold winter never really came and unlike seals who don’t seem to care if they resemble slugs, it is time to start taking off the layers and preparing for summer.

I used to think that I had quite good taste in food but if I am being honest with myself I am kind of a food whore. I love the unhealthy bad boys, processed carbs, refined sugars and those terribly tempting fermented grapes. I can’t walk past a deep fried chip or a fresh quiche and don’t get me started on parmi night!!! I’ll even go a plastic cheese sandwich as long as there is vegemite and white bread involved. I am basically a dumpster diver, taking anything offered, I have no standards.

In my desperation I reached for my tried and tested coping strategies. Firstly the most obvious option, crystals unfortunately the pink quartz in the doorway did nothing to reduce my craving for processed carbs or remove the extra kgs from my arse. Secondly hypnotherapy tapes at night… they lasted till morning tea time and then the processed carbs started calling again, usually helped by the chef’s pesto chicken pasta dishes.  After the failure of the hypnotherapy it was time for serious action… Strategy three self help books. Unfortunately I started four books and didn’t make it through any of them although Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck was kind of refreshing for the first three chapters.  Until I realised that he had just replaced the word *care with *fuck and the book suddenly was not so revolutionary after all plus I was getting a bit over all the swearing.

I was starting to get a bit desperate, it was looking like I might have to put a bit of work into the boundary setting because let’s face it breaking up with food is not an option. Food and I were in for a showdown I needed to invoke strategy four a good hard look at myself and what I wanted???  A method only to be used when serious change is required.

Like every relationship there are a myriad of external influencers telling you wether or not you have got it right and what you are supposed to want.  Culturally we have magazines like Vogue telling us that big boobs are out… kind of unfortunate if you are naturally endowed or have spent $10,000 getting an upgrade.  Mum’s with five kids hanging off their arms and a six pack parade on Facebook, telling us that they achieved that look in just 15 mins a day and have five kids!!  Weight watchers asking us if we want to keep having sex with the lights off or lose weight… Instead of thinking about how I want to look.  I decided that I would focus on the ‘fuel’ aspect, what is healthy food.  What is the best way to treat myself?

 

One of the most inspirational books I have read in the last couple of years is Megan Kimble Unprocessed. Megan talks about the value of your individual dollar and the impact that spending it locally can have. Specifically in relation to food, this means choosing to support local farmers, businesses and producers. Inspirationally she spends a year exploring how to obtain food in its most unprocessed state and reduce reliance on the global food monopolies. My opinion is that our culture has divorced itself from nature to the point where we no longer eat seasonally; we get our fruit and veggies, fish and meat from all over the world. We don’t have veggie patches, bee hives, chickens or fruit trees all of which are very doable in the urban setting.

To reengage in my relationship with food I am going to set up my veggie patch and grow  something, a pot of parsley on the window sill and some tomatoes and cucumbers in the veggie patch.  I am going to talk to producers through buying at farmers markets or local shops and I am going to be part of changing the current monopoly that allows big globalised companies to control the way we understanding and interact with food.  Stay tune for the veggie patch diaries when I finally get home from Antarctica!!!